Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Your Weird Uncle's Winter Wonderland Family Film Festival

Hi!  I'm Your Weird Uncle.  That's right, first name "Your," middle name "Weird," and last name "Uncle."  If you're family is anything like the Uncle family, you might have children visiting your home for the holidays.  That's why it's a good idea to stock up on family friendly holiday movies, so the little tykes have something to do and don't get bored.  My buddy Larry over at the local Hollywood Blockbuster Video just hooked me up with a big stack of all the latest and classic Christmas movies, so I'm all set!

Larry's kind of a creepy guy, and honestly, some of these movies look kind of... odd.  But he works at the video store, so he must know what he is talking about.  Larry assures me that they are chock full of Sleigh Rides, Mistletoe, Gingerbread Men, and all that Christmas stuff that the kiddies go coo-coo for.  But "Frozen," the movie we watched yesterday, turned out to be a movie about freezing to death in the mountains, not at all what I expected from a "Disney Princess Musical."

But don't worry, I'm sure today's movie will be better.  It's called "Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale."  Heck, it's got "A Christmas Tale" right there in the title!  Larry tells me it's about a young boy who has a magical adventure in the North and meets Santa Claus.  Just the sort of thing that my three nephews will go bonkers for!  I'll be back with my review after I watch the movie...

"Fire up the VCR!"  Me and my three nephews are watching "Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale!"
 

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Oh for Pete's sake!  What is this malarkey?  Was it about a boy meeting Santa?  Yeah, but this version of Santa was some monstrous evil demon!  There was blood, and explosions, and creepiness!  Plus the end had a Santa Claus group shower scene that showed Santa Claus's penis!  Imagine that!  I had to explain to my nephews what penises were, and trust me, they were not happy about it!  I explained to them that it was just a movie, and there was no such thing as a penis in real life, but I'm not sure if they believed me.

A father butcher's a pig in front of his son, who is in his underwear.  Merry Christmas, everybody!

Plus, they were speaking "Foreign," so I couldn't understand a word they said.

Nothing says "Christmas" like a creepy voodoo doll!

Still, this actually was a pretty entertaining movie, although I would say it was more for grown-ups than kids.  Unless your kids are creepy weirdos, in which case they'll probably love it.

A dozen filthy Santas are hosed down in a group shower, exposing their genitals and butt cracks to the audience.  Hopefully they didn't hang any mistletoe in there.

More screencaps after the break...

Frozen (2010)

Your Weird Uncle's Winter Wonderland Family Film Festival

Hi!  I'm Your Weird Uncle.  If you're like me, you might have children visiting your home for the holidays.  That's why it's a good idea to stock up on family friendly holiday movies, so the little tykes have something to do and don't get bored.  My buddy Larry over at my local Hollywood Blockbuster Video just hooked me up with a big stack of VHS tapes of all the latest and classic Christmas movies, so I'm all set!

Larry's kind of a creepy guy, and honestly, some of these movies look kind of... off.  But he works at the video store, so he must know what he is talking about.  Larry assures me that they are chock full of Snowfall, Santa Clauses, Jingle Bells, and all that Chrstmas stuff that the kiddies go nuts for.  I'm looking forward to watching them with my three nephews.

First up is a movie called "Frozen."  I may not be up on all the latest kiddie flicks, but even I have heard of this one! I think it's one of those "Disney Princess" movies that drive the youngsters bananas.  Sounds perfect for a night of family fun.  I'll be back after I watch the movie with my review...

Me and my three nephews getting ready to watch "Frozen"

Frozen (2010)

What the heck was that?  Kiddie movies sure have changed since I was a kid!  To begin with, I thought this movie was a cartoon musical, but it was actually live action, and they didn't sing anything!  Talk about false advertising!  And seriously, this is supposed to be a movie for kids?  It's all about a group of skiers who get stranded on a mountain and have to contend with freezing to death and getting eaten alive by wolves.  "Bambi," it ain't.

I guess the girl in the pink is the princess?  I'm so confused...

It was scary, and gory, but also kind of boring in spots.  It seemed like maybe they had the footage for about one hour's worth of good movie in there, but they tried to stretch it out to feature length, and lost a lot of the tension in the process.

Body Parts

Although it doesn't seem like the sort of thing that I personally would pick for a kid to watch, I know this "Frozen" movie is hugely popular with the kids, so maybe it's just a generational thing.  And to be fair, my three nephews seemed to love it.  All of their faces were streaming with tears of joy.



MORE SCREENCAPS AFTER THE BREAK...

Your Weird Uncle's Winter Wonderland Family Film Festival

Hi!  I'm Your Weird Uncle.  If you're like me, you might have children visiting your home for the holidays.  That's why it's a good idea to stock up on family friendly holiday movies, so the little tykes have something to do and don't get bored.  My buddy Larry over at my local Hollywood Blockbuster Video just hooked me up with a big stack of VHS tapes of all the latest and classic Christmas movies, so I'm all set!  Larry's kind of a creepy guy, and honestly, some of these movies look kind of weird.  But he works at the video store, so he must know what he is talking about.  Larry assures me that they are chock full of Snowfall, Santa Clauses, Jingle Bells, and all that Christmas stuff that the kiddies go nuts for.    I'm looking forward to watching them with my three nephews: Louey, Screwey, and Kablooey. So join me here on this blog starting December 1st, and we can watch them all together.  Happy Holidays, everybody!

Funko Garbage Pail Kids Vinyl Figures: Mad Mike, Ali Gator, and Dead Ted

Garbage Pail Kids: Mad Mike, Dead Ted, and Ali Gator

Today I'm back for round 3 of my look at Funko's Garbage Pail Kids Really Big Mystery Minis Vinyl Figures.  In my previous installments I featured Tee-Vee Stevie, Adam Bomb, New Wave Dave, Bony Tony, Nasty Nick, amd Hot Scott.  Today I'm looking at Mad Mike (a Conan-style barbarian), Ali Gator (half kid, half alligator), and Dead Ted (a rotting zombie).

Mad Mike, Ali Gator, and Dead Ted on their original trading cards

Mad Mike comes with two accessories, a sword and an axe.  He can hold either one in his left hand, but it's hard to make him hold them both at once because his right hand is kind of loose.  I got him to hold his axe in that hand, but just barely, and only by pointing it down to the ground and balancing it just right.  Ali Gator comes with a fish he can hold, in addition to the the fish that is sculpted in his mouth.  Dead Ted does not come with any accessories.  Like all of the other figures in this line, each figure has an identical body sculpt, a unique and highly detailed head sculpt, a really nice paint job, and three points of articulation on the arms and head.  Check out my photos of these guys and let me know what you think of them.

Bungle in the Jungle

BONUS!  MUSIC VIDEO:

This one is dedicated to Mad Mike...
The Darkness - Barbarian


More photos after the break...

The Brides of Dracula (1960)

The Brides of Dracula (1960)

The Brides of Dracula is not the most accurately titled movie, as neither Dracula nor his brides appear in it.  Rather, it follows the adventures of Doctor Van Helsing, who killed Dracula in the previous film in this series, "The Horror of Dracula."

Van Helsing and the Baroness

Dracula is still dead, and now Van Helsing has set his sights on another group of vampires, led by the evil Baron Meinster.  This is where the film falters a bit.  David Peel, who plays the Baron, has absolutely none of the menace or charisma that Christopher Lee had as Dracula.  When ever the Baron appears on screen flapping his cape or making bloodshot googly eyes at his victims, the effect is comical rather than scary.

Baron Meinster

Still, Peter Cushing is excellent as Van Helsing, and the rest of the cast is solid.  Over all it is still an effective horror picture, even without Christopher Lee, although his absence does prevent "Brides" from being a classic on the level of it's predecessor.

The Corpse Opens Her Eyes

MORE SCREENCAPS AFTER THE BREAK...

David Bowie - Blackstar

It's good to see that David Bowie is still the best kind of weird after all these years.

Superman on the refugee crisis...

This has been making the rounds on the web the last couple of days, mostly due to a tweet by Oliver Willis, and I thought it would be worth reposting here.  After the Islamic State terror attacks in Paris, there has been a backlash against refugees, which I think is very sad.  Syrian refugees have been tortured, murdered, and raped in their home country, and they need safe places they can go.  Helping these families find new homes is the decent, human thing to do.  If we turn them away, we are doing exactly what the murderers from Islamic State want us to do, and it it seems like the more xenophobic members of our society are willing to do just that.

I'm not willing to do that, and I hope you are not, either.  I urge you to stand with Superman, and "lend a friendly hand" to our fellow human beings in their time of need.

Super Powers Collection "Aquaman" Vintage 5 Inch Action Figure - Kenner (1984)

Kenner Super Powers Aquman Action Figure (1984)

Aquaman was one of the characters featured in the first wave of Kenner Super Powers figures in 1984.  He originally came with a trident which I sadly no longer own.  He also came packed with a mini-comic where he teamed up with The Flash to fight The Penguin.  I was going to say that was an odd combination of characters, but then I thought about it, and penguins are aquatic birds, and The Flash does have the power to run on water, so I guess it works.

Mini-Comic

Squeezing Aquaman's arms together activates his power action:  a "deep sea kick," which is basically him kicking his legs like he was swimming.  Which is perfect for this character, and I often imagined him swimming under water as a kid while playing with it.  Check out the photos after the break as Green Lantern pays a visit to Aquman...

Aquaman and His Pal Mr. Fish

BONUS!  MUSIC VIDEO:

Songs and Stories About the Justice League of America - Aquaman


MORE PHOTOS AFTER THE BREAK...

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Aquaman Sits And Chats With a Fish

Aquaman: "Be honest Mr. Fish, Do these trunks make my aquabutt look fat?"

"Why, hello there, old chum!"

"Look, Mr. Fish!  It's my Super Buddy Green Lantern!"

Aquaman: "Would you like to hold Mr. Fish, Hal?"  Green Lantern: "Err... no thanks, Arthur."