Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Freak Out with Jimmy Olsen the Angry Hippie

Jimmy Olsen's Greatest Costumes and Disguises #8
"HIPPIE DISGUISE"

Jimmy Looks Like a Freaky Creep, or a Creepy Freak.  Either Way, Lucy's Not Having It. .
In "Hippie Olsen's Hate-In!," from Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #118, Jimmy Olsen goes undercover as a hippie, so he can "mingle" with them to get a story for the Daily Planet.  So he grows his hair out for a few weeks.  But, man, Jimmy's hair must grow fast!  Because after a period of weeks, Jimmy's got a beard that would take a normal man a couple of years to grow, as well as hair down  to his shoulders.  As a long haired, bearded weirdo myself, I can attest that hair does not normally grow that fast.  Jimmy must shave, like, three times a day!
Note that it says "as Jimmy Olsen passes a barber shop," not his barber shop.  I'm guessing that every barber in town knows Jimmy by name.  Which actually bolsters my "Jimmy must shave 3 times a day" theory.  Maybe this scenario isn't so crazy after all!
So Jimmy goes undercover as a hippie to check out "Guru Kama's Dreamland Pad for Truth-Seeking Hippies," and immediately introduces himself to the guru as "Jimmy Olsen, reporter for the Daily Planet," apparently not clear on how an undercover disguise actually works.  This is tough luck for Jimmy, because it turns out the guru and his assistant are actually criminals in disguise, hiding out from the police!  And they DO understand how disguises work, so they don't introduce themselves to Jimmy as criminals.  Worse yet, they decide to use Jimmy Olsen as a way to kill Superman!

Life is but a Go-Go Dream
In order to trick Jimmy, the phony gurus pump some perfumed pink mist into the room he is in.  Using the sort of logic that only makes sense in Jimmy Olsen comic books, this perfumed mist convinces Jimmy that he must be dreaming, since perfumed pink mist could not possibly exist in real life.
"Why, if there is PINK MIST in the room, I MUST be dreaming!  That's the only explanation that makes any sense."
Convinced that he is dreaming, Jimmy first action is to go to the Daily Planet and punch Perry White in the face.  Because, after all, "it's only a dream," so why not?  And this is not prompted by the criminals, either, this was straight from Jimmy.

Smooth move, Olsen.
Seeing what a misanthrope Jimmy really is, the fake guru encourages Jimmy to continue acting out in his "dreams,"  eventually manipulating him in to "dreaming" of wanting to murder Superman.  And because Jimmy Olsen is the world's worst "best friend," he actually has a big stash of Kryptonite sitting around in the trophy room of his apartment to do it with.  Jimmy fashions the Kryptonite into "love bead" necklaces for all his hippie buddies to wear, and then he lures Superman to the scene of their latest protest so they can all kill him.
Man, check out Jimmy's evil glee as he plots to kill Superman in his "dream."  Dude's got issues, all I'm sayin'.
The plan almost succeeds, too.  Superman is moments away from death... laying on the ground, writhing in agony, being exposed to Kryptonite on all sides... but then Jimmy looks down, and notices he has gotten some paint smeared on his pants.  In another burst of mind-boggling Jimmy Olsen logic, he realizes he could never dream up something as crazy as getting some paint on his pants, therefore he must not be dreaming!  Quickly, he gathers up all the Kryptonite, and throws into a car's gas tank, and the lead in the gas blocks the deadly Kryptonite radiation, saving Superman's life!

"All You Need is Hate."  That was a Beatles song, right?
Superman then captures the criminals.  But, before he leaves, Superman decides to take a page from the playbook of Dragnet's Joe Friday, and lectures the hippies about their supposedly "free" (Superman's quotes on the word free, not mine) lifestyle.  The hippies are convinced by Superman's nonsensical speech, and agree to move back home, presumably to cut their hair and live normal, "straight" lives.  God bless America!
"This is the city: Metropolis, USA. I work here. I'm a superhero."




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