House (aka Hausu) (1977)

House (aka Hausu) (1977) - Mini-review plus screencaps:

House (With Eyeball in it's Mouth)

Recipe for Hausu
Take 6 Japanese schoolgirls: Gorgeous (the cute one), Prof (the smart one), Melody (the musician), Kung Fu (the martial artist), Mac (as in sto-Mac-h... the fat one), Sweet (the nice one), and Fantasy (the daydreaming romantic). Deposit in a creepy old house. Add one spooky ghost cat. Sprinkle on a liberal dose of colorful, cartoony special effects. Stir in an ocean of blood and severed body parts, and let boil for 1 and a half hours. Now ready to serve.

Rating: 4 Robots (out of 5)

The Roving Eye

Cracked Mirror

Headscape

Pretty Ghost House

There is the House!

 More screencaps after the jump...

Toy Collection, Part 1: Digging my toys out of my closet...

I have a random collection of toys (Mostly Batman and other super heroes) that has been collecting dust in my closet for years. Some of it is stuff I had when I was a kid, and others are things I've picked up here and there over the years. I've been thinking of taking up toy collecting as a serious hobby, so I decided to dig them out and see what I've got. I plan on picking up more toys at thrift stores, ebay, or new, and I'll be adding photos of them as I get them. Eventually, I plan on making some fun displays to show them off.

Silver Age Batman action figures

Die-Cast Batmobiles

A Batman Pez dispenser and a talking silver skull.

Toys from Batman: The Animated Series

Super Powers Collection. My Batman and Robin figures are missing from this pic, I don't know where I put them :(

Random Assortment of Toys: Mickey Mouse, The Simpsons, Godzilla, Mr. T, Marvel Secret Wars, Spider-Man, Spawn, Chuck Norris, Darth Vader, and The Tick.

Martin (1977)

Martin (1977) - Movie review plus screencaps:

Martin is a vampire... or at least he thinks he is, in writer/director George A. Romero's 1977 film "Martin."

Martin

This is a really interesting movie.  The main character, Martin has been raised to believe that he is a vampire, that he must kill and drink blood to survive.  But Martin doesn't have fangs, supernatural powers, or any of the things you would normally associate with vampires.  Instead, he drugs his victims, and extracts their blood with hypodermic needles and razor blades.

"I'm always very careful with the needles."

 Martin takes no pleasure in his killing, only doing it because he thinks it's neccessary for his survival.  He comes from a strange, deeply religious  family of immigrants that believes he is an evil supernatural creature.  Martin, however rejects their religious beliefs, and considers his affliction to be biological.  Of course, the possibility exists that Martin doesn't need blood at all, and is just mentally ill victim of a very warped upbringing.

Martin's Creepy Uncle (Not to be confused with "Colonel Sanders")

 Director George Romero does a great job of playing up both angles in this movie.  I never knew for sure if this was really a vampire horror movie, or a psychological thriller along the lines of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho.  Martin has a lot in common with Norman Bates from Psycho.  Even though he is a murderer, I couldn't help but root for the guy.  He's portrayed as a generally passive, innocent, and lonely kid, who is as much a victim as the people he kills are.

Mother Nature's Son

 This is a pretty low-budget picture filmed in real locations around a working class neighborhood in Pittsburgh.  Romero uses this to his advantage though; the down-to-earth locations help to ground this film in reality.  Because the film is so down-to-earth, it became harder and harder to believe he really is a vampire as the film went on.  But, at the same time, I found I WANTED him to be a vampire more and more, because the thought that this sweet lonely kid who I've grown to emphathise with so much, could actually be a psychotic serial killer, is a tough pill to swallow.

Martin on the Prowl

In the end, Romero wisely decided to leave the question of whether or not he's a vampire unanswered and up to the viewers to decide.  I really like movies like this, ones that let you draw your own conclusions at the end.  Movies like this live on in my thoughts and imagination long after I finish watching them.   Hollywood has been on a horror movie remake frenzy the last few years, and they've already remade Romero's Dawn of the Dead and the Crazies.  It's probably only a matter of thime until they remake this one.  it should be interesting to see how bad they fuck it up.

Rating: 4 Robots (out of 5)

More screencaps after the jump...

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) - TV special review plus screencaps:

I recently had the opportunity to use my time machine to travel back in time, and have my 6 year old self liveblog the Star Wars Holiday Special as he watched it being broadcast on TV on November 17, 1978...

7:56 PM
Wow! There's gonna be a Star Wars Christmas special on TV tonight! I can't wait! It's gonna start in a minute, I'm going to write about it as I watch it... this is going to be so cool!

TV Guide Ad

8:00 PM
It's starting!

Han Solo and Chewbacca are in the Millenium Falcon, pursued by Imperial forces.  They're trying to get Chewbacca home to his family for something called "Life Day."

8:01 PM
They're introducing the characters: Luke, Leia, Han, Chewbacca, R2-D2, C-3PO, Darth Vader... wow this is going to be AMAZING!

8:02 PM
Wait, Chewbacca is married? He has a dad named "Itchy," and a son named "Lumpy?" Seriously?

8:02 PM
Also starring... Bea Arthur, Art Carney, Diahann Carrol, The Jefferson Starship, and Harvey Korman? I've got a bad feeling about this.

(Not Pictured: Jefferson Starship)

More after the jump...

Starcrash (1978)

Starcrash (1978) - Movie review plus screencaps:

"Starcrash!"  a.k.a.  "The Clash of the Stars!"  a.k.a.  "Stellar Clashes Beyond the Third Dimension!"  a.k.a. "The Adventures of Stella Star!"

 Spoilers, I guess...

This Italian Star Wars knock-off from 1978 fails on every level.  Wooden acting.  Hideous costumes.  Fake plastic spaceships.  Out of focus special effects.  Nonsensical plot twists.  Oh, and one of the stars is David Hasselhoff.  Needless to say, it's FANTASTIC!

Smooth Characters

 The movie stars Caroline Munro modeling her exciting space bikini as criminal-slash-adventurer Stella Star.  She's sort of a female Han Solo.  It also stars Marjoe Gortner as Akton, a white guy with a giant space afro who fights with a fake lightsaber and gains various super powers throughout the movie.  He's like a cross between Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Other characters include a robot sidekick with a cartoonish Texas accent and a bald guy with green skin.
 

"Damn, I'm Evil!"

The villain of the flick is Count Zarth Arn who is constantly laughing maniacally while flapping his Dracula cape around.  So evil.  Oh, and I can't forget Hasselhoff; he's basically Princess Leia, although he wears a lot more makeup than I ever saw on Carrie Fisher.

Hoff's Going Heavy on the Makeup

Christopher Plummer is the only person in the film who can act, which makes him stick out like a sore thumb.  He plays Hasselhoff's dad, "The Emperor of the Galaxy." He delivers all his lines like he's in Hamlet or something, with dramatic, William Shatner-like pauses.  The effect is bizarre... like he doesn't realize what movie he's in.  He also has the best line in the movie, when seconds before our heroes are about to die in an explosion, he gazes up at the ceiling and shouts, "Imperial battleship...  halt... the flow of time!"  And then time stops so our heroes can escape, with no explanation ever given for how this amazing feat was accomplished.  Awesome.

Christopher Plummer Doesn't Know What Movie He's In

The plot is a lot of silly nonsense, with Stella Star and her intrepid band of space buddies travelling around in their spaceship getting into adventures while trying to save the universe from the evil Count Zarth.  So the film is broken up into various episodes where we see Stella fight Space Cavemen, Space Amazons, a giant space robot, and what not.
 

Pressing Buttons

Later, the good guys attack the Count's version of the Death Star, which,  is shaped like a giant flying space hand.  Oh, and when it goes into combat, the giant space hand contracts into a fist!  Awesome!  Anyway, they attack the ship by shooting giant golden dildos at it.  Once the dildos crash through the windows of the spaceship, they pop open and soldiers jump out.

Pew! Pew! Pew!

The movie's costumes and sets are ridiculously colorful and goofy.  It looks more like it was made in 1968 than '78, it has the same pop art sensibillity as films like Barbarella, Diabolik, or the Adam West Batman TV series.

Captured by Space Amazons

This movie is DUMB, but it is fun.  And Caroline Munro does look pretty sexy in her space bikini.  I recommend this title to all discerning fans of science fiction cinema.

Rating: 3½ Robots (out of 5)

I See You!

More screencaps after the jump...

Death Watch (1980)

Death Watch (1980) - Movie review plus screencaps

"La Mort En Direct"

I came into this film cold, knowing only that it was a sci-fi movie from the 1980s, starring Harvey Keitel and Harry Dean Stanton, and with the potentially gory title of "Death Watch."  I was anticipating something a little outrageous and trashy, but hopefully kind of awesome at the same time.  Maybe some robots or cyborgs, a few laser beams.  Instead, what I got was a long, talky, meditative look at life, death, and the coarsening of our culture at the beginning of the age of reality TV.

Groovy Cemetery

Not at a bad movie, just not at all what I expected, even though it started to drag quite a bit towards the end, with one long dialogue scene piling up on top of another.  There were a few moments towards the end where I had to resist the urge to fast forward.

Harry Dean Stanton Directs the Action

The film is set in the "not to distant future,"  one of those sci-fi movies where everything looks like the modern day, with just a few bits of technology here and there to indicate it's not.  While that may have worked fine when the film was released, it causes a weird dissonance when watching it today, as everything looks dated in a late '70s early '80s kind of way, and not at all futuristic.  I think sci-fi from the '50s and '60s, where everyone's decked out in colorful jumpsuits, or what not, actually hold up better in this respect; at least they look noticeably different from the present or the past.

Cemetery and Smokestacks

In the film, Harvey Keitel plays a photographer who has video cameras implanted in his eyes, so that everything he sees is recorded.  He is assigned to follow around a dying woman, played by Romy Schneider, for a reality TV show called "Death Watch."   The show chronicles the last days of a dying person's life in a future where death from natural causes is a novelty.
 

Harvey Keitel has TV Eyes

The issues raised about reality TV, and our increasing lack of privacy in the modern world seem a little cliched to my modern eyes, but I may be being too critical; since the film was released in 1980, I suppose the film was actually pretty prescient.

A Tender Passion

The cast was quite good, with Harvey Keitel, Harry Dean Stanton, Romy Schneider, and, towards the end of the film, Max von Sydow, all giving solid performances.  There was also some very nicely composed cinematography.  However, the slow, talky nature of the film, especially in the second half of the movie, lowered my enjoyment enough that I don't think I can actually recommend it.

Rating: 3 Robots (out of 5)

Harvey Keitel and Romy Schneider on the Beach

More screencaps after the jump...

Happy Independence Day!

On the left of this image is the American Quarter, with an image of the first American President, George Washington. On the right is the Canadian Quarter, with an image of the first Canadian Prime Minister, Bullwinkle J. Moose. Thank Zeus I live in a country that elects humans to office, and not talking animals! Long live America!

Island of the Fishmen (aka Screamers) (1979)

Island of the Fishmen (aka Screamers) (1979) - Movie review plus screencaps:

"Screamers"

A doctor and some convicts from a prison ship get shipwrecked on an uncharted Caribbean island populated with half-man/half-fish creatures, and horrific shenanigans ensue.  Toss in a liberal dose of African(?) tribesman, voodoo, and a sprinkling of zombies just for the hell of it, and you get a movie that sounds like it could be cheesy fun, but never really gets there.

"The Cave of the Dead."  Here's a tip: if you are in a horror movie, and there is cave full of glowing fog named "The Cave of the Dead," DON'T go in it.

The special effects are bad, bad, bad.  It  kind of looks like they took leftover monster bits from other movies and pieced them together to make the creatures.   Like the filmmakers were rummaging through the trash bins of a better movie, and were all, "Hey!  You guys throwing this away?  It's still good.  I can use this!"  Well. actually, there was one cool thing, with this one guy who was being turned from a man into a fishman, but they most have spent their entire budget on it, cuz the rest was super-cheapo.

"Half-Man Half-Fish."  Not the Creature from the Black Lagoon.  Nor an incredible simulation.

The movie is, for the most part, poorly paced and really boring.  I had to resist the urge to fast forward as I watched it.  Richard Johnson (of Bulldog Drummond fame) hammed it up entertainingly as the lead villain, but that was the only thing the movie had going for it.   I would say this movie is not really worth your time, unless you are a die-hard bad movie fan.

Barnes & Barnes - Fish Heads

Rating: 2 Robots (out of 5)

More screencaps after the break...