HORROR IN SPACE
Galaxy of Terror (1981) - Movie review plus screencaps:
|Galaxy of Terror|
WARNING: THIS MOVIE REVIEW CONTAINS MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS AND COARSE LANGUAGE. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
|You Have Been Warned|
"What the FUCK am I watching?" This is a question I asked myself time and time again as I watched "Galaxy of Terror." There are movies that are just plain bad. There are movies that are so bad, they actually become kind of entertaining because of it. And then there are movies that are so bad, you just sit there, with your mouth hanging open, and say, "what the FUCK am I watching?"
|The Planet Xerxes|
|Joanie Cunningham in Space|
|My Favorite Martian|
|Wide Open Mouth = "Acting"|
- We never see her again, and
- She doesn't narrate any other scene in the movie.
|The Planet Master|
|Commander Ilvar and Captain Trantor on the Starship Bridge|
- Baelon, the military team leader, played by Zalman King (star of the cult movie Blue Sunshine, and later a soft-core "erotica" director). Baelon is a hot-headed, "shoot first and ask questions later" type.
- Alluma, the ship's empath/telepath, played by Jonnie Cunnigham of Joannie Loves Chachi "fame." The alien presence on this planet cancels out her powers, making her character completely useless, except as love interest for...
- Cabren (in case you haven't noticed yet, every character in this movie has a "far-out" space name), the ship's random dude, played by Edward Albert Jr. (his dad, Eddie Albert, was the star of Green Acres). Cabren stays cool in the face of danger, and he has a luxurious, "Magnum P.I." style mustache.
- Quuhod, played by Sid Haig (he played the evil space villain "Dragos" on Jason of Star Command). Quuhod is some kind of warrior-monk or something, it's not exactly clear. Quuhon has a beard, and instead of the laser guns everyone else uses, he has a sweet pair of crystal ninja stars that he throws at everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING).
- Dameia, the ship's hot-blonde-who-will-do-nude-scenes, played by Taaffe O'Connell. She performs an autopsy, so maybe she's a medical officer?
- Ranger, some other random guy. He's played by Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger!).
- Kore, the ship's cook, played by Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian, Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgmont High).
- Cos, the frightened rookie, played by Jack Blessing (He's acted in other things, but he's not really famous for anything. Look him up on the IMDB if you care). Not to be confused with "The Cos'," played by Bill Cosby (although that would have been awesome).
|Attacked By A Space Cockroach|
The Rookie's Greatest Fear = Giant Space Cockroach
|The Rookie Gets His Face Torn Off|
|Who Wants Lemonade?|
|Approaching the Pyramid|
Commander Ilvar's Greatest Fear = Giant Space Worms
|Quuhod Agonizes Over the Loss of His Ninja Stars|
Quuhod's Greatest Fear = Getting Ninja Starred to Death by His Own Severed Arm
|The Severed Arm Reaches for a Ninja Star|
Dameia's Greatest Fear = Being Raped by a Giant Space Maggot
|Rapist Space Maggot|
The Captain's Greatest Fear = Having Her Skin Torn Off
|Skin Sucked Off|
Again, I asked myself, "what the FUCK am I watching?"
|Deep Inside the Pyramid|
Baelon's Greatest Fear = Being Thrown Off of a Bridge
Ranger's Greatest Fear = Himself
|Freddy Vs. Freddy|
Alluma's Greatest Fear = Rubber Tubes Squeezing Her Until Her Head Explodes
|Mr. Hand Taunts the Survivors|
- Pick up a gun.
- Shoot her with it.
Cabren's Greatest Fear = Zombies, and/or Joanie Cunningham
|Joanie in Blue|
|Mustache Chachi Shoots Lasers Out of His Stomach|
|Rating: 4 Robots (out of 5)|
More screencaps after the jump...
|Panic in Space|
|Player Vs. Player|
|Mitri, The Oracle of the Game|
|Warning! Launch Imminent|
|Run, Freddy, Run!|
|Cabren, a.k.a. Mustache Chachi|
|Magnum P.I. in Space|
|Joanie Loves E.T.|
|The Starship "Quest" leaves Xerxes|
|Starship in Space|
|A Thoughtful Mustache|
|Wide Open Eyes = "Acting"|
|Descending on Morganthus|
|Leaving the Spacecraft|
|Scanning the Surface|
|Joanie Loves Mustache Chachi|
|Scaling the Pyramid|
|Peering Into the Abyss|
|Under His Skin|
|Laser Turret Control Room|
|Freddy Krueger is on the Alert|
|Enter the Triangle|
|A Gruesome End|
|No Way Up|
|Mustache Chachi Turns Into a Cartoon|
|The Master Vanishes|
|Academy Award Winner James Cameron, Folks|