Sunday, December 6, 2015

Black Christmas (1974)

Your Weird Uncle's Winter Wonderland Family Film Festival

Hi, folks, Your Weird Uncle here.  If you've been reading my posts for the last few days, you'll know I've been trying to watch family friendly Christmas movies with my three nephews: Harry, Mark, and John.  But all the movies we've watched have turned out to be creepy horror movies disguised as Christmas movies.  I had no idea that such a thing even existed.  Honestly, me and the little tykes are all feeling a little psychologically traumatized by these films.  If we don't pick a good one soon, I think our brains are going to explode.

Today's picture is called "Black Christmas."  Judging by the title, I'm assuming it's about an African-American family getting together for the holidays.  There is not nearly enough "diversity" in the movies Hollywood, California puts out, so I'm really glad that movies like this are being made.  I think it will be a great experience for my whole family to watch.  Especially my nephew Harry, who is African-American himself.  It will do Harry good to see people that look like him on the big screen.  Personally, I'm hoping that nice Tyler Perry will be in it as the matriarch of the family; that lady is a hoot!  So, excuse me for a bit while I watch "Black Christmas" with my boys.  I'll be back afterwards for my review...

Me and my three nephews are ready to learn the true meaning of Christmas with a loving African-American family.

Black Christmas (1974)

It turns out that there are only two black people in this entire movie, and they were just extras in the background of one scene!  Then why did they call it "Black" Christmas, you ask?  Try black as in "darkness," black as in "shadows," black as in "death!"  That's right, it's another MURDER MOVIE disguised as a CHRISTMAS FLICK!  This one is about a crazy psycho killer who murders a bunch of girls in a sorority house on Christmas Eve!  It's a lot like the movie "Halloween," if that one had taken place on Christmas instead of The Devil's Holiday.

"Agnes?  Is that you?  It's me, Billy!"
The movie had a good cast, including Margot Kidder, Keir Dullea, John Saxon, and that "Edith Prickley" lady from SCTV, and it was a very good example of the "slasher" film genre, if that's the sort of thing your in to.  But it's a lousy Christmas movie!  The creepiest part was the killer's voice.  He talked in a weird sing-song voice, imitating what I assume were his parents and family members.  My nephews actually got a big kick out of that, and have been running around imitating his voice all day long.  The worse part was that he kept calling all of his victims "Agnes," saying things like Agnes... it's me, Billy," before he murdered them.  And now my nephews have started to call me "Agnes!"  I don't like where this is heading...

A Pile of Dead Sorority Girls on Christmas Eve
I'm a CREEP for The 13 Days of CREEPMAS

Margot Kidder with Booze in One Hand and a Cigarette in the Other

Ladies and Gentleman: The 1970s.

The Sorority Girls Listen to the Serial Killer Moan Weird Things Over the Phone

Margot Kidder Gets Kind of Turned on by the Phone Moaner

See those two black people in the background?  Those are the only black people in the entire movie.  Talk about "false advertising."

Margot Kidder is Getting That Little Boy Drunk (note: that's actually what's happening in this scene, it's not me making a snarky comment)

Scared Old Lady

The Police Organize a Search Party to Look for Dead Bodies

Keir Dullea Poses Dramatically in Front of a Christmas Tree

Stabby Unicorn Crystal

Margot Kidder's Bedroom has a Skull on the Wall


Creeper at the Window

John Saxon Hunts a Killer

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."

Dead Girl in the Attic

1 comment:

  1. I really need to watch this I keep forgetting about it. Why do we not call Bob Clarke the King of Christmas Movies he made a few that people enjoy every year?